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2012-03-08

Okay, remember all that stuff about God only allowing Moses and Aaron on the mountain and killing anyone who steps foot on it, even the elders? Well, forget all of that. In Exodus 24:9-12, God not only allows the elders to climb the mountain and see him standing on a stone pavement as clear as the sapphire sky, but he even wine and dines them! God is the heavenly host with the heavenly most! Moses, Aaron, Aaronís sons, and all of the seventy elders enjoy a wonderful meal with God. Of course, God only shows his hospitality to a select few, the one percent, you might sayóhow typically elitist of him. The bible doesnít say what they ate, but it was probably ambrosia. Get it?

Once they finish eating, God explains that he will take Moses and Joshua further up the mountain and give them stone tablets of his commandments with which to teach the Israelites. If you recall Isaac repeating Abrahamís wife-is-my-sister story, and the multiple Noahís Arks, this repetition will not come as a shock to you. This is just another one of those stories that had multiple sources that were haphazardly combined by biblical editors. The elders couldnít meet God, now they can. The elders had to wait at the bottom on the mountain, now they have to wait at the dinner table. Moses and Aaron received the commandments, now itís Moses and Joshua. Moses already wrote down the commandments and told the Israelites, now heís doing it again. This version of the story may have evolved when less-credulous followers became skeptical of Moses being all alone when he saw God and received his law.

One final point, God is described as standing on a stone pavement which is sapphire like the sky. Itís almost as if he had to bring a bit of the heavens down to Earth with him in order to survive, like a boy in a plastic bubble. This is yet another instance of Heaven being up in the sky. Such a thought would make sense to these ancient people, but to a culture that has landed on the Moon, this doesnít make any sense. However, rather than admit the bible contains an fundamental error disproved by science, believers evolve their interpretation. 1,000 years ago, a person would interpret the bible to say Heaven was in the sky, but to space-age people, Heaven is, and has always been, a magic dimension that mortals canít reach.

 

Comments

Maju writes:

 

So this is a vague memory of the elite conspiracy (the elders and the prophet bros) which effectively founded Judaism (and by extension Christianity, Islam, Sikhism, Mormonism, Baha'ism, etc.)

"Of course, God only shows his hospitality to a select few, the one percent"...

Ditto.

"... now itís Moses and Joshua".

Who's Joshua? Oh, never mind, I found him in Wikipedia. I always thought Joshua was a name variant for Jesus in English, go figure!

Baughbe writes:

 

Getting to heaven is easy. Just reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. Or if you can't do that, covery your sister in ox blood and sell her into slavery. Each works equally well into opeing the magic portal of belief into the upper realms.

Baughbe writes:

 

cover, not covery, not sure where that extra letter came from.

Samael writes:

 

To paraphrase Fred of Slacktivist,

"To get into Heaven, all we have to do is blah blah blah because horcrux, Hellmouth, tachyon pulse."

Willy Galleta writes:

 

Curiosity: In spanish, the words "heaven" and "sky" are both written "cielo" (from latin caelus) and there in no other word that means heaven.

Allanon6666 writes:

 

Someone has been playing ME3, eh, Wily?

TBman256 writes:

 

the moon landing was actually a hoax meant to distract from the mars landing

Yeshivakid writes:

 

@Baughbe: It's even simpler than that. Just cross the streams. Zul will show you the way. :)

@TAG: It's funny, I don't remember learning about the "clear stone" and sapphire bit at ALL. Here's the passage with the Hebrew words as well: http://biblos.com/exodus/24-10.htm Interesting. Especially the fact that the Hebrew word is basically the same for sapphire ("ha sa-'peer").

989fox989 writes:

 

yes, Heaven is, and always has been, a magic dimension; just like Oceania is, and always has been, at war with Eastasia.


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Oh the irony!