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2012-03-05

Exodus 23:23-33 is just God spouting out his typical xenophobic racist hate speech for ten straight verses. A good portion of it has already been done before. He tells the Israelites to follow his angel to the lands where the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites, and Jebusites are currently living. Once there, God will wipe them out and give their land to the Israelites! Golly, what a swell guy. One common argument towards believers of the bible is to ask, “What if Satan wrote the bible in order to make people be evil?” Passages like this make that a tempting argument!

God even goes into detail about how he intends to destroy them. He will send hornets in front of the Israelites to drive out the occupants like a pepper spray-wielding cop at an Occupy Wall Street rally. The terror that God will cause will be so great that every nation the Israelites encounter will turn their backs and flee. However, God explains, he will not drive them out in a single year because then the land would become wild and desolate with nobody to work it. Instead, he will drive them out slowly so that the Israelites may rob them of their neatly tended gardens and animals as they’re deported and killed. I guess, in God’s math, 2,000,000+ Israelites couldn’t possibly tend an area the size of Texas that’s mostly desert.

Speaking of which, God gives specific instructions for the region of the Promised Land, again. The area will be from the Reed Sea, to the Sea of the Philistines, from the desert to the river. Believers interpret these to mean the Red Sea, the Mediterranean Sea, the Arabian Desert, and the Euphrates, however, there is no particular reason to interpret it this way. Especially when you consider that the Promised Land keeps changing! Back in Genesis 15:18, the Promised Land reached all the way to the Nile and was inhabited by ten different races. Now it only makes it to the Red Sea and has a mere six races. It will be shrunk again in Numbers 34:1-15, and again still in Ezekiel 47:13-20.

A secular explanation for the incredible shrinking holy land is that in order to rile up their troops, Israelite leaders said God wanted them to have this huge area of land. After instilling this fervor into the troops, they began invading. Early battles went well, but as they branched out, they were slowed by the defenders. Knowing they would never be able to fulfill the promise “god” made, they made peace with their enemies, settled into the land they occupied, and said that God was content with the partial amount the conquered. This also explains why it takes them so long to conquer the land. A little creative editing, and all the problems are solved (minus the earlier conflicting passages).

God even tells them that they will not suffer disease or miscarriages provided they obliterate their enemies. The Israelites are expected to shatter the stone idols they come across, and never make any agreements with the inhabitants. The Quran says something similar, which is why there is still so much tension in Israel. Of course, they continue to break these commandments in order to make peace in the Middle East. I’m sure they’re pissed off that they have to keep selling out, but I’m glad that they are.

 

Comments

TBman256 writes:

 

he'll kill them with hornets? sounds like god's been playing Bioshock :D

Richard writes:

 

Well, this is undeniable proof that god is on our side. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boeing_F/A-18E/F_Super_Hornet

Yeshivakid writes:

 

"Do not associate with them or they will turn you evil."

Man, we heard this kind of talk all the damn time in yeshiva. We were essentially banned from associating with non-Jews. Don't talk to them, don't befriend them, don't give them the time of day, because you are better than they are, they are not your people, and they will lead you down the wrong path.

I always felt bad for the students who came from parents who converted, and had non-Jewish family. They counted in this rule as well.

Not that I followed the rule in the least on my own time, of course. Especially with the advent of the Internet and the immediate access to people and new friends with realistic views on life. Thank goodness for critical thinking.


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Oh the irony!