God just throws out a bunch of random animals in Leviticus 11:29-30, including weasels, ferrets (which are weasels), lizards, chameleons (which are lizards), turtles (I hope Shredder's not Jewish), mice, and snails, into the category of “creeping things.” I’m getting tired of pointing out how little God knows about the animals he supposedly created, so let’s see what else we can pick on.
As well as not being able to eat any of these animals, you’re not supposed to even touch their dead bodies (11:8, 11:24, 11:31). So when Mickey and Corporal Carrot die (either of natural causes or because you didn’t heed my warnings) you can forget about dignifying them with a sensitive, hands-on burial. Actually, forget about doing that for any of your pets, because even if the animal is clean you can’t touch their bodies (11:39), which makes you wonder why God didn’t just lump everything together and say “Don’t touch any dead animals.” Chalk up another point in favor of the “multiple sources smashed together without proper editing” origin of the Bible.
And finally, the Bible feels it necessary to repeat all this in Deuteronomy 14. Except Deuteronomy 14:19 forbids all insects, when Leviticus 11:22 said it was okay to eat grasshoppers, locusts, and beetles. Except Leviticus 11:41-42 forbids the eating of all “creeping things that creepeth.” Okay, that’s it, my brain hurts, I’m bailing out before it melts.