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God just throws out a bunch of random animals in Leviticus 11:29-30, including weasels, ferrets (which are weasels), lizards, chameleons (which are lizards), turtles (I hope Shredder's not Jewish), mice, and snails, into the category of “creeping things.” I’m getting tired of pointing out how little God knows about the animals he supposedly created, so let’s see what else we can pick on.

As well as not being able to eat any of these animals, you’re not supposed to even touch their dead bodies (11:8, 11:24, 11:31). So when Mickey and Corporal Carrot die (either of natural causes or because you didn’t heed my warnings) you can forget about dignifying them with a sensitive, hands-on burial. Actually, forget about doing that for any of your pets, because even if the animal is clean you can’t touch their bodies (11:39), which makes you wonder why God didn’t just lump everything together and say “Don’t touch any dead animals.” Chalk up another point in favor of the “multiple sources smashed together without proper editing” origin of the Bible.

And finally, the Bible feels it necessary to repeat all this in Deuteronomy 14. Except Deuteronomy 14:19 forbids all insects, when Leviticus 11:22 said it was okay to eat grasshoppers, locusts, and beetles. Except Leviticus 11:41-42 forbids the eating of all “creeping things that creepeth.” Okay, that’s it, my brain hurts, I’m bailing out before it melts.

- Codiekitty



jc writes:


Codiekitty: You are a hoot! Enjoying both comics and commentary. Thanks for filling in.

Maju writes:


"including weasels, ferrets (which are weasels)"

This may be a matter of translation. IDK but in Spanish, for example, there's no generic word for all weasels although "comadreja" (lit. "matron", = "comadre" but with the despective suffix -eja) actually describes 10 of the 16 known species (though originally only one: M. nivalis) and therefore approaches the English term "weasel" without being identical. But in Spanish ferrets (hurones) would not be weasels (if we translate as comadrejas), as would not be the stoats (armiños) or the polecat (turón).

I don't know Hebrew but it's very possible that such details are translation issues. However I guess it might be argued that translations of the Bible are or should be inspired by God as well. Certainly, would I be an autocratic and jealous (TM) God, I would not allow people to go around mistranslating my Word (TM).

I would need to be a God of Chaos and funny madness to allow for that. ;)

TheAlmightyGuru writes:


If you're wondering why there are no updates, I'm being lazy until the new year. Thanks for a wonderful 2011 everyone!

Baughbe writes:


Ah, OK

Larqua writes:


makes sense, happy holidays and happy new year erryone.

Richard writes:


And on the 353rd day, he rested. Remember the Lazyass Day and keep it holy.

Baughbe writes:


If you hit the next button over the comic, it takes you on a mystical magical journey into the past. At least until the next update occurs.

TheAlmightyGuru writes:


Oops! Kind of forgot it was 2012!

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Oh the irony!